Blog

Preparing for the S.A.D. Time of Year

Posted on by Dana Goldman

Seasonal Affective DisorderEach fall, clients come into my office saying, “I know it’s getting to be the holiday season but…” or “It’s just so dark all the time and it’s getting to me.” They’re noticing their moods darkening, their energy lagging, and their interest in life waning. It’s usually not that life is suddenly harder and more full of challenges than usual. Instead, what they’re describing is just – SAD. Seasonal Affective Disorder, a subset of depression.

If you don’t know about SAD, the mood changes you experience during the darker months may feel inexplicable, confusing and maddening. But there is a reason so many people–an estimated 5 percent of us–feel lower and slower in the winter. SAD is real. As human creatures, we’re impacted by the environment, including darkness and light, in ways that scientists are just beginning to fully comprehend.

I want to write about this right now, in October, because so often SAD gets worse the less light there is and the further into winter we come. If you’ve dealt with SAD in the past, it’s likely not in full force right now, though you may notice uneasy apprehension, wondering how bad this winter will be. This is the time of year to be proactive and prepare. The good news is that phototherapy (the use of specific lights), talk therapy, physical movement, and all sorts of other strategies can help. You don’t have to feel SAD all winter long.

 

 

Are Technology and Peace At Odds?

Are Technology and Peace At Odds?

Posted on by Dana Goldman

My meditation teacher sent me this article I Used To Be A Human Being and I’m passing it along to you today. It’s all about how to live in an age of constant distraction and, fittingly, it took me three days and three sittings to actually finish it because of the distractions that bombard me.

I’m sharing this article because its author, Andrew Sullivan, speaks to the wrestling that so many of us do figuring out how to live with technology in a way that serves us. It speaks to the ways that technology often keeps us hooked into distraction and compulsive online searching rather than the more important (and often more difficult and painful) internal searching to find and explore the core of ourselves and our purpose.

I hope this article is thought-provoking in all the right ways for you today.

Why You Won’t See Me Quoted In A Magazine Next Month

Posted on by Dana Goldman

images-2Last week, my email dinged with a message from a magazine writer asking for an interview. Hurrah! I thought. I love talking about therapy! But then I read closely. The writer wanted my expert tips on how parents should design their children’s rooms for optimal development, including the “right” kinds of toys. I felt my heart slowly sink back to it’s normal position in my chest. For while I love talking about counseling and kids, I hate doing anything to perpetuate parents’ anxiety that they’re not doing enough.

I laughed, thinking about my own kid’s room: a few pieces of used furniture; a motley assortment of stuffed animals (a few of whom have lost plastic eyeballs to our otherwise lovely dog), the usual assortment of kid-related clothing, and lots and lots of books. I’m pretty sure that if I had strong opinions about kids’ rooms, my own child’s room wouldn’t measure up. But the idea that kids only thrive in a very particular set of circumstances simply isn’t true.

So I ended up saying a big fat no to that interview request.

What’s in a kid’s room matters much less than who’s with that kid in life. Research supports that what matters most for healthy childhood development is the presence of caring, mostly-consistent adults, not the presence of particular toys in a certain sort of space.

Is this a missed opportunity for me to spread the good news about good therapy? Perhaps. But I’d rather miss out than spread misinformation and fan the flames of anxiety and guilt.

 

 

Newsflash! Self-Compassion and Self-Improvement Aren’t Enemies

Posted on by Dana Goldman

Self-compassionI’ve been thinking lots lately about everything that gets in the way of self-compassion. For most of us, it’s much easier to feel compassionate toward others — especially children — than it is to feel some gentle kindness or understanding toward ourselves. When it comes to relating to our own imperfect selves, we’re impatient and critical. I’m an adult; I should have fixed this by now. I should have known better. I need to be accountable.

Newsflash: We can be accountable for our actions and offer compassion toward ourselves at the same time. We can look with a critical eye at something we’ve done that’s flopped while also trying to cultivate an attitude of compassion toward ourselves. We don’t have to pick between self-improvement and self-compassion. We can work toward both.

Self-compassion isn’t a ticket out of responsibility. It’s an attitude we can cultivate that allows us to learn from our mistakes more easily, with less getting caught in a useless web of beliefs about how terrible we are.

Reconsidering The Cult of Productivity

Posted on by Dana Goldman

imgresI work with a lot of therapy clients struggling to find their place in a culture that values productivity above almost everything else. These clients feel guilty when they aren’t maximizing their time. Lounging can be seen as sinful. There is a constant push for more and more and more efficiency. And while the constant pushing can lead to isolation and loneliness, they are not alone: in mainstream Western culture, we value doing more than being, action more than reflection, and self-improvement over self-acceptance.

There are lots of reasons for our culture’s focus on productivity. But in my office, there are two main reasons people stay so busy and driven:

  1. We fear slowing down. What happens when we spend time being quiet? It often means confronting parts of reality we’d rather push away. Many of us live with an inner critic, and that critic can be hard to tolerate at first when we spend time intentionally practicing reflection and self-acceptance.
  1. Our self-worth has become deeply linked to our productivity. If we only feel okay when we judge ourselves on our productivity, of course we don’t want to slow down. (When our self-worth is linked to productivity like this, it leaves us vulnerable to internal crises if we get sick or have a change in life roles at home or work.)

In counseling, I work with clients to help them recognize other options for self-worth that go beyond productivity. We build bridges to reconcile self-improvement and self-acceptance. We rediscover the pleasure of leisure time well spent – without the guilt.

 

 

 

 

“Not Rich, Not White, and Seeking Therapy”

“Not Rich, Not White, and Seeking Therapy”

Posted on by Dana Goldman

I was concerned but not incredibly surprised to read the findings of the article “Not Rich, Not White, and Seeking Therapy” in The Atlantic. It’s a quick read, but gets into how hard it can be to access counseling if you don’t sound rich and white when you call therapists to make an appointment. In other words, it shows how much the odds are stacked against people of color and people who sound working class — even with therapy. Here’s a quick quote:

“If [the researcher’s] experiment were to play out in the real world, an identifiably black, working-class man would have to call 80 therapists before he was offered a weekday evening appointment. A middle-class white woman would only have to call five.”

As a white woman who’s anti-racist, I’m appalled. The field of therapy has to do better. We have to do better. Everyone deserves access to high-quality healthcare for physical and emotional concerns.

 

Turning Off and Tuning In to Another Mass Shooting

Posted on by Dana Goldman

black ribbonI found out the horrific mass shooting yesterday in Florida this morning, not because of the TV or the radio or the internet but because someone I happened to be with mentioned it.

Word of mouth is how I’ve learned almost all of my news for the past two months. It’s been part of an experiment that has involved purposely turning off and tuning out the barrage of news and infotainment that I had eagerly welcomed for so long.

Before these last two months, my radio was on constantly. I was constantly reloading the New York Times website. I could sound informed and knew a little bit about a lot.

But I was also getting numb to it all. Information overload can increase stress and make it hard to absorb anything at all. And so while it’s important to me to be engaged in the world beyond my nose and take action where I can, it’s also been important to see what happens when I turn everything off for awhile. If I’m not distracting myself with the news or really entertaining podcasts, where does my mind go? If I’m not hearing about everything that’s truly terrible in the world, what does that do for my ability to feel and act calm?

We need to notice the impact that news has on our spirits and sense of well-being. We need to try to be mindful as we figure out the right ways and times to be present with the world around us. That’s what I’m working on.

Please join me in adding your name to the Brady Campaign to End Gun Violence’s petition for stronger gun control.

 

 

 

 

Mindfulness, Kids, and the Fading Cupcake Craze

Posted on by Dana Goldman

Tcupcake meditationhe mindfulness craze is still going strong, with articles in today’s New York Times about the positive benefits of mindfulness for kids and techniques for teaching mindfulness to children. Scientists have known for a long time that training the brain to concentrate on the breath and body has potential positive long-term benefits on everything from emotional regulation to executive functioning. (In other words, mindfulness meditation can make us calmer and happier.) But it’s cool to see these ideas continue to gain mainstream traction.

Still, I can’t help but think of mindfulness and the cupcake craze (now come and mostly gone, according to reputable sources) as somewhat similar. Our culture gets excited about an idea, whether it be cupcakes or mindfulness, and then we start to see if everywhere, and then … poof. Something else that’s shinier or newer catches our attention. Cupcakes are just the start. Almost everything that comes into fashion or that enters the mainstream consciousness eventually fades out of view for most of us.

As someone with a daily meditation practice, I suppose I should feel invested in this particular craze for mindfulness sticking around. Wouldn’t we all be more relaxed if we had access to the set of coping skills that mindfulness provides? Absolutely. But I also know that no particular technique or tool can serve as a magic pill. There are lots of ways to grow, heal, and change, and mindfulness is just one avenue. It will be exciting to see what craze comes next.