Category: Holidays

Hello, Clarity. Bye For Now, Blog.

Hello, Clarity. Bye For Now, Blog.

Posted on by Dana Goldman

It would be polite for me to say it’s been a minute since I’ve written on this blog. But the truth is that this “minute” has extended for almost six months. Sheesh!

While I’d like to say this absence of blog posts has been entirely intentional, the opposite is true. Writing a blog post has been on my never-ending to-do list for months. Surely you have at least one task on your own list that is similar: a task that is never urgent, low priority, doesn’t have a big impact on others, and, thus, wallows on the Perpetual To-Do List. You know that to-do list: the one that never, ever ends.

My current pile of to-do lists.

While I’m generally not a big fan of New Year’s Resolutions (especially the ones related to dieting) I am setting an intention for 2022 that feels pretty resolute: I only want to write tasks on my to-do lists IF those tasks help me and others live meaningful, good lives.

That doesn’t mean all my tasks will suddenly be pleasant. I’ll still make trips to the post office, do dishes, and water plants. These sorts of tasks are rarely meaningful in themselves and also often annoying, but sending packages from the post office help me stay in touch with people I love. Doing dishes helps my family have a home that isn’t entirely chaotic. Watering plants helps me feel good in my space.

And here’s the truth: Even though I didn’t intend to stop my blog, I also am not convinced it’s worth a recommitment ceremony for this next year. Does the blog possibly help potential clients know I’m a good or bad fit? Sure. But is the blog – and the time and head space it takes up – really helping me or others live meaningful, good lives? I’m not convinced. Somewhere in the last year or two, it became a should, not a want. (Also, if there aren’t enough blog posts up for you to get a sense of me, shoot me an email! Give me a call!)

So – happy almost new year. May we all continue to gain clarity about who and what matter most to us. May our lives be an extension of our priorities to the extent we can control. And may we live as meaningful and good lives as possible.

Prepping for COVID Winter and an Unusual Holiday Season

Posted on by Dana Goldman

Now that election season is almost over, it’s time to prep for COVID winter. Anticipating and preparing for the mental health (and life) challenges of a COVID winter is a must – especially if you’re worried about stress, Seasonal Affective Disorder, depression, anxiety, or increased isolation. Being proactive about mental health isn’t always at the top of our list (especially when the to-do list is LOOOOONG) but our efforts NOW can pay off in important ways.

The Mayo Clinic has this helpful list of suggestions for prepping for COVID winter. One recommendation that stands out is that we should EXPECT that our winter holidays are going to be different. Let’s wrap our heads around that now: our winter holidays will not be the same as usual. We’ll have to adapt traditions that typically involve family and friends or let them go altogether, at least for now. We may not get to have big Hanukah or Christmas parties, Kwanzaa celebrations, Christmas caroling, or New Year’s extravaganzas.

You don’t have to be happy about these traditions going on pause. In fact, give yourself some time to feel grouchy about these losses. (They ARE losses!) It’s hard to move forward if we don’t first mourn our losses. So, here’s a tip: allow yourself a day or even a week to feel all the feelings, whether it’s annoyance, frustration, sadness, anger, or depression. These losses of tradition are worth feeling bad about. (And for those of you saying “But I can’t! Other people have it SO MUCH WORSE” — I appreciate your consideration of others, but stop with the Privilege Syndrome. You trying to convince yourself you have too much to feel so bad doesn’t help anything… and actually gets in the way of letting emotions move through you in healthy ways.)

After that day or week of allowing all the feelings, THEN it’s time to look forward.

First: when it comes to the holidays, allow your imagination some room to roam. If you’re not doing the usual things during this holiday season, what might you be able to do? What might you want to do? What new traditions might you want to create? In other words: what opportunities can you find in the space that COVID has created?

Finally, when it comes to the possibility of anxiety and depression emerging or getting worse, you can be proactive here as well. What extra care do you need that’s realistic? Care can take a lot of forms: checking in with your doctor, taking vitamins, using light therapy, hosting Netflix parties or virtual game nights, and so on and so forth. Make a list and ask friends or family members for their ideas as well. And then put that list somewhere you can regularly see it (like a bathroom wall or on the refrigerator) so when (or if) the winter doldrums hit you don’t have to use energy to think – but can instead just act on the ideas you’ve already brainstormed.

I hope these tips are useful for you! And please reach out if we can be useful to you in other ways.

Are the holidays tough? If so, you’re not the only one.

Posted on by Dana Goldman

There’s no way around it: the season of Thanksgiving and the holidays that follow suck for so many of us. As I’ve written here before, grief can be extra lonely and difficult when everyone around you is wishing you a merry Christmas or Happy Hanukah or meaningful Kwanzaa. All of us with complicated families struggle as we perhaps spend more time with family members than usual – or notice their conspicuous absences. Sure, spontaneous gratitude and good cheer may arise. But also there’s the potential for surges of sadness, sorrow, disappointment, anxiety, and pain.

Here’s what I want you to know:

The cultural myth that you “should” be happy at this time of year is not based in reality. If difficult things are happening or have happened to you, especially in November or December, it would be weird if you were suddenly all cheery. Same too if you have seasonal depression. Your low mood likely makes sense given the situation. And, when you beat yourself up for feeling bad instead of good, you’re adding to your pain.

Also, I want you to know that you are not the only one struggling right now. I have the privilege of sitting with lovely, kind, intelligent people every day who are grappling with how to navigate the holiday season without feeling crazy or eating all the cookies you didn’t actually like in the first place. I wish there was a secret handshake or cool badge people could wear to say you’re part of the club of people who’d rather just skip to January, so you could all know and enjoy each other, but alas… I don’t know of anything like that yet.

So, take good care. I MEAN IT. The only way to get to January is to get through November and December. And as stupid as it sounds, drink water! Sleep regular-ish hours! Take walks! Pet animals! And know you’re not alone. Really.