Mind-body connection – Stone Cottage Counseling

Blog Hodgepodge: ACE Scores, Bias, Lived Experiences, and A Radio Interview

Posted on July 12, 2017 by Dana Goldman

I got to talk on the radio recently about depression, suicide, and teenagers. I’m glad to continue to spread the message about adolescent mental health concerns, even though it’s always sobering to consider how mental and physical health issues can be created or exacerbated by so many preventable factors.

I’m a big fan of the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Scale as a quick way to look at what sorts of factors may have been present – or absent – in my clients’ lives that may impact them to this day. None of us exist in a bubble. There’s good research on how trauma, neglect, race, class, immigration status, gender and gender identity, and so much else plays into how others treat us, brain function, and how we end up feeling about ourselves. (Here’s a recent reminder of racial bias affecting views toward young black girls.)

In my work as a therapist, I continue to be committed to seeing my clients as individuals whose own stories and experiences are a part of a larger social and cultural framework.

A More Realistic (and Hilarious) Pain Scale

Posted on December 6, 2016 by Dana Goldman

I always laugh a lot at the hilarious pain scale (and explanation that creator Allie Brosh gives) on her now-inactive blog Hyperbole and a Half. Brosh is a depression survivor and her blog (and book of the same name) are often gut-splittingly on target. While our society often is more quick to recognize physical pain than emotional pain, cool neuroscience shows that emotional pain often registers in the same brain regions as when we, say, stub a toe or break a leg. In other words, emotional pain is still real. And painful. picture-22

No Feeling Is Final

Posted on April 6, 2016 by Dana Goldman

No feeling is final.

The poet Rainer Maria Rilke’s words “No feeling is final” are prominent on the wall of my counseling office these days, scrawled on an chalkboard that could as easily be used for grocery lists or ye-olden-days math problems.

At the center of despair and pain is often the terror that we’re stuck where we are — doomed to feel what we’re feeling until we die. Everything feels permanent in these moments. Everything feels locked in and locked down.

If it’s hard to believe Rilke’s words today, that’s fine. But do know that I am convinced that there is more out there for you than what you’re experiencing right now. Life can be better. Things can change. No feeling needs to be final.

When Clients Cry, I Think…

Posted on March 3, 2016October 5, 2017 by Dana Goldman

Unlike pop culture’s idea of therapy, I do not exist to make people cry. I don’t get excited when someone sheds tears. I don’t think, ‘Hurrah, now this is therapy!’

Instead, I feel compassion for the pain I see before me. After all, tears are one way we show our suffering.

But there’s something else to remember, too, next time you cry. Neuroscience is teaching us that we have the best chance of being happy when we can easily go into and out of our thoughts, our physical sensations, and our emotions.

For most of us, our thoughts are easy to go into but can be hard to shift away from. (“I can’t stop thinking about…”) When we bring our attention to our bodies when we’re stressed, we may notice a clenching or tightness in our chest or gut.

And then there are emotions. Most of us try to avoid our emotions – especially the ones that are painful and confusing. We’d rather do just about anything else to avoid them, including overeating, numbing out through alcohol or drugs or TV, or getting really, really busy with work or family or friends.

But we can’t block some emotions without also potentially blocking out others. We can’t decide to just feel happiness, joy, and gratitude without also allowing ourselves to experience sadness, grief and anger. I wish it was different, but the brain doesn’t work like that.

So when I see a client cry, I don’t think Hurrah! But I do feel glad for that particular person that they are allowing themselves to feel what needs to be felt. It’s only when we can be with all of life – the painful and the pleasurable and everything in between – that we have the best chance of health and happiness.

Reversing the Stress Response — New Relevant Research on Relaxation

Posted on January 30, 2016 by Dana Goldman

The research continues to come out that mindfulness meditation can be useful to calm us down and, over time, rewire the brain for more relaxation and less of a hair trigger toward anger and stress. I loved listening to this interview on the NPR show Fresh Air with science writer Jo Marchant. Marchant’s just published a book called “Cure” and the interview gets into the mind-body connection and connects it to meditation, placebos, virtual reality, and other fascinating topics.

So often we think that living with anxiety is “just the way I am” — but neuroscience is showing that the brain is capable of change throughout our lifetime. If you can get better at driving, cooking, or riding a bicycle, then you can get better at recognizing stress, combating it, and reversing anxiety and depression. My belief in mindfulness meditation – guided by personal experience and the research – is why I continue to offer it to clients as a crucial part of talk therapy.