“I think too much,” someone with depression will say. “How can I stop?”
“I overthink things,” someone with anxiety will say. “How can I stop?”

We’re taught that thinking is a good thing — right? Thinking is how we avoid danger, make decisions about our priorities, decide who to spend time and figure out what to eat, along with a million other daily choices.

But there’s a difference between thinking that helps move us to someplace new and thinking that keeps us stuck in the same place. I’ve come to know that when a teen or adult client says, “I’m thinking too much,” it’s usually their way of saying “I’m thinking in circles right now and it’s driving me crazy.”

At some point in our lives, we all get stuck thinking about big choices, what others may think of us, past regrets, and future possibilities. Usually this isn’t fun thinking, like fantasizing about a much-needed vacation. Instead it sounds more like this: “But if this happens…” or “If only I had done this…” or “I can’t believe I …” or “I want this but I don’t know if I want this thing that goes with it …” Oftentimes it’s this crazy-making kind of thinking — along with the anxiety that usually goes with it — that brings people into therapy for the first time.

There are a few ways out of this analysis paralysis. Sometimes speaking thoughts out loud to someone without a stake in the outcome — like a therapist — can help see us see situations with more clarity. Sometimes making small decisions regardless of thoughts can help break us free of the mind’s spin-cycle. And, of course, dealing with underlying anxiety or depression can help change the quality and nature of our thoughts. Reflection is useful. Round and round rumination is not.

Depression and anxiety are bad enough, but sometimes their side effects can feel like the poison-filled icing on top of what’s already a pretty terrible-tasting cake. If you’re depressed — and not sleeping, or can’t motivate yourself, or are pretty convinced you’re the worst person who’s ever lived — than my heart goes out to you. If you’re anxious — and can’t concentrate, or can’t slow down your racing mind — than I am so, so sorry. Depression and anxiety are bad enough, and the symptoms that often come along with them are enough to make us feel crazy, even though we’re not.

One of my least favorite things about depression and anxiety (because I keep a list, right?) is how scarily isolated people can feel and become. When we don’t feel good, the impulse is usually to hole up by ourselves. It’s not a bad thing for a night or two or three, but when those consecutive nights watching Atlanta forecasts on the Weather Channel tick up in the double-digits then it may be a sign things aren’t headed in a good direction.

And yet, if you feel bad, then hanging out with people can feel fake. On the outside you might be all smiles, but on the inside you may be feeling like you’re one minute away from breaking out in tears or a panic attack. It can take a huge amount of energy to fake that everything’s okay when everything really feels like it’s crumbling around and inside you.

So if you’re reading this right now and this description of anxiety and depression resonates, then please consider the possibility of finding some support. Not the kind of support that tells you “it’s going to be alright” but the kind of support that helps you figure out how to make things be alright. Your mind can slow down. You are capable of feeling well-rested. You can feel better. You don’t need to go through this alone.